Identity

Who am I?

I’m the girl who rattles egg shakers at the drum circle because they remind me of my daughter at story time.

I’m the black sheep.

I’m curious about people.

I remember what people tell me, for the most part.

I’m highly sensitive, and this causes me to fly off the handle a lot. I wish people knew that my bark was worse than my bite, and that I just need to vent to feel better.

I’m a runner.

I’m an artist.

I’m a writer.

I’m a mom. Sometimes I can’t believe it.

I can be petty AF. I think most people are and just don’t admit it to themselves.

On that note, I’m one of the most honest people you will ever meet.

I’m not meant to work in an office. I just realized this. Any job that requires me to tone myself down is just not a good fit.

I’m an animal lover. If I was super rich I would endow shelters everywhere.

I’m a giggle girl.

I’m a piece of the puzzle.

I make up songs and sing them to my husband, my daughter and my dog.

I’m terrified to answer the phone, and seeing a voicemail indicator makes my heart start to pound.

I feel guilty all the time, which is a symptom of anxiety.

I suffer from impostor syndrome.

My boss told me yesterday – as I told him I was feeling insecure about my personality – that I would make a great spy. I answered, “Well, I am great at creeping on people.”

I get a thrill out of acting bitchy, but only if someone else is doing it with me. Safety in numbers.

I didn’t care about Disney Princesses when I was a kid. I only liked the Disney movies about animals. 101 Dalmatians is my absolute favorite.

Sometimes I wish I had continued dancing when I had the chance. I had listened to my parents fight about money a lot and I figured we couldn’t afford it so I said no when my mom offered to get me lessons after she stopped teaching.

I need to resolve fights. I need to talk about things until both people feel better. Unresolved feelings are difficult for me.

I’m impulsive.

I love to laugh at my daughter’s crocodile tears and sarcastically wonder aloud where she learned that behavior from.

I hate when people I don’t know ask me about my tattoos.

I feel ugly without makeup, but sometimes I still leave the house without wearing it.

I love cooking. It’s something I’ve rediscovered about myself after becoming a stay at home mom.

I feel the need to explain that I used to have a more prestigious job. At the same time, I don’t want that to be my career path anymore. I guess I just worry that people think I’m an idiot because I work at a gym. Isn’t that stupid?

I usually only give people an attitude when they do it to me first.

I’m able to go into a deeply relaxed state when I meditate, which involves strange feelings of paralysis. It used to scare me but now I know how special it is, and how rare.

I am an Aries sun, Aries moon, Gemini rising. My Venus and Mercury are also in Aries, and my Mars is in Taurus. I am a super Aries!

I’m going to be late for work if I keep writing, so I have to stop now.

12 Minutes to Write

I have 12 minutes until I toddle a few streets over and get to work. It’s a weird day: two film sessions for our impact video; two trainings for the summer campaign (all others were conducted a month or more ago…); lots of cookies to deliver.

Yes, this is my job. A lot of people think I literally sit in my office and call people and ask them to make gifts. This rarely happens. I can count on one hand the times I’ve done this. Other people think I am more of an accountant or something, and assume I’m great with math. This could not be further from the truth.

My work is about people. I help people give to others. This is my professional mission statement. Helping people give to others means building relationships, visiting people, taking time to get to know them – bringing them cookies in the summer! It means sending them cards when I hear news – good or bad – about them. It means congratulating them on gifts they bring in, thanking others for gifts they make, and generally being a pleasant person. It means capturing their stories on film, camera and through the written word. It means coming up with clever slogans and campaign themes – things that make people understand the importance of their contribution.

I wish all people could have a better understanding of financial development and what it looks like when it’s done correctly. It’s never about the money: it’s about the people. And if you do your job correctly, you hardly ever have to ask for money.

Anyway, that’s my rant for the day. I’ve killed six minutes writing this. Your takeaway from this lesson?

1. I do not sit in my office and ask for money all day.
2. I’m terrible at math.
3. If you think financial development equals math, you’re doing it wrong.

Have a great Independence Day!

30 Thoughts for 4-30

1. Can you believe it’s already the end of April? What happened to that month?

2. Does anyone else think “Shut Up and Dance” by Walk the Moon sounds like an 80s song? I love it.

3. Stretching gets easier every time.

4. I am in love with Indigo Wild’s toner. Nothing makes my skin feel better!

5. I totally understand why Georgia’s tagline is, “Georgia on my mind.” I can’t stop thinking about going back.

6. I never thought I’d wear a workout skirt but now I’m hooked on them. All the breeze of shorts with a flair of cute.

7. Stop telling teenagers it’s easy to get pregnant. It’s not.

8. I’m 95% committed to doing a half-marathon on October 24th – whether or not my sister-in-law decides to do it with me!

9. Planning a trip to your hometown when you have unpleasant business to attend to is not fun.

10. Ever spend a week at work when all you do is attend meetings and trainings? Me too.

11. Airhead Bites are amazing. Highly recommended.

12. I have trash bags near my desk but still insist on throwing my garbage right on the floor. It’s literally on top of the trash bags.

13. I got a new email from futureme.org the other day! I love hearing what I was doing a year ago.

14. Maybe I’ll write a letter to deliver to myself ten years from now. That would be amazing!

15. I was a completely different person ten years ago. Weren’t we all? That’s why I don’t understand how people get married so young.

16. I just went looking for a picture of me at 20. I couldn’t find one, but I did find this #tbt gem:

Sisters!!!

17. Oh, flannel shirts.

18. Speaking of which, I can’t believe overalls are back. I mean, they were cute in elementary school but I actually saw a Women’s Health article saying you could dress them up for work. Impossible. Very hard to pull off as an adult who is not a farmer. Sorry.

19. I read something the other day about how going to art school makes nothing shocking to you. This is true. I saw so much nudity, drug use, self-harm and general weirdness. Then again, I always wanted a life surrounded by odd people so of course it wouldn’t bother me.

20. And when someone comes into your dorm room tripping and just wants to roll some brass meditation balls along the floor, who are you to judge?

21. Also, when the men in white coats show up looking for your suitemate, there really isn’t much to say.

22. Man, I love having those experiences to share with people. My 13-year-old self definitely thinks, “I am soooo cool.”

23. I’m working on finding Mother’s Day gifts for my mom and step-MIL! Don’t forget: it’s on May 10 this year.

24. It’s been a long time since I held a snake.

25. I had another dream about tarantulas last night.

26. So hungry. Hurry up, fish!

27. I am so excited to have a four-day weekend. I deserve this. And that means all the relaxation I want!

28. I should really get myself a lounge chair.

29. If those dinguses upstairs would move out, we could move upstairs and have an awesome deck. They don’t even use it!!! What a waste.

30. Losers.

Tuesday Thoughts

It’s getting harder for me to find the time and/or motivation to write as my job ramps up. Summer is our busiest time and while I welcome this happy, bustling activity, it makes it hard for me to get in some creative writing. I finally realized that something was better than nothing, so I present some random afternoon thoughts to you.

The enemy of my enemy is my friend.

Waiting for your H&M order to arrive is exciting! Will the jeans I ordered fit? How wonderful is it that you can finally order off their website?! Since 2007, I’ve had to drive an hour to shop there.

If you want someone to pay attention to you, move 2,000 miles away. It’s even more effective if you DON’T want that person’s attention.

I want to write, I just don’t have anything to say. Actually, I have plenty to say, but because it’s going online it all has to be censored.

On that note, I miss the carefree days of my 13-year-old self who never cared if she hurt anyone’s feelings or said something controversial. Becoming an adult makes you censor yourself constantly.

I’m sorry I’m not sorry.

There are so many poppies in Estes Park!

I miss wearing high heels.

I could eat the world right now.

Taissa Farmiga in American Horror Story: Coven

I wore a big black sun hat today and I felt like Taissa Farmiga in American Horror Story: Coven. My hat was the source of many comments and compliments throughout the morning – these mountain folk aren’t used to fashionistas.

It looks like another event foretold by my Tarot cards may be coming true. With each event/situation that lines up with the reading I had, I wonder about another event that was foretold by my cards. I also wonder about going to have another reading to get some help with certain relationships (or lack thereof) in my life. Psychics are there to help, people!